Stormtrooper Skits
by The lovable writer
Summary: A series of humourous scenes between Storm-troopers through out the Star Wars series.
1. Chapter 1

**_Polis Massa, the Clone Wars..._**

"Hay Benny. Mind if I ask you a question?" The first Storm trooper muttered.

It was a guard break, and they were bored, small talk passed the time.

"Yes I do Scott, but you're going to ask me anyway so go ahead." The other Storm trooper, Benny muttered back.

"I know she's a Jedi Apprentice, and probably capable of doing all sorts of force stuff to our heads, but..." Scott began.

"Yes." Benny agreed.

"What?" Scott replied, startled at the response.

"I know exactly what you're going to ask and yes, Ahsoka Tano's clothes are far to revealing."

"Thank you, a tank top, a short skirt, tights and boots. How is that remotely good armour for a Jedi in the midt of battle."

A long pause seemed to ensue.

"Well? Are you going to tell anybody else?" Benny asked.

"Nope. Just wanted to know I wasn't crazy." Scott replied, unconcerned now.

"But?"

"We spend months on end in ever changing bizarre environments and weird-ass aliens, surrounded only by sweaty men who look exactly like us, and aren't my type, she's basically the only interesting thing about this War." Scott replied, slightly haunted at the situation.

"Isn't she a teenager or something." Scott thought.

"Aren't we 10?" Benny thought aloud.

"Fairplay."

**_Senate, The Rise of the Empire..._**

"And now I am the Emperor of all I survey. I look at the Universe and know it is my empire." the Emperor ranted.

"Uh, sir, it's probably rude of me to ask, but what was the point of the Clone Wars than?" Storm trooper Barry asked.

"It was all a big distraction to allow my rise to power so I could destroy the Jedi when the time was right." the Emperor laughed.

"Wait, the entire events of the war were pointless?" Barry pondered.

"The point was to mask my rise to power." The Emperor explained.

"But the actual micro-events of the war served no purpose, beyond your victory, everything else was for effect." Barry analysed.

"Yes my humble servant."

"So the outcome was already known, the main powers knew how the war was going to end. Everything else, the countless battles, the Clones who we came to know and love who were gunned down, Mace Windu, every Jedi, every little skit was pointless and predictable!"

"You got a problem with that?" The Emperor exclaimed.

"No, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go over here, and, cry for a little bit. O.K."

**_Tatooine, Reign of the Empire..._**

"Here are your new armour. Now we can forget the evil times of the Jedi and move fourth into the glorious Empire!" Storm Commander announces.

It had been along stay, and Tatooine had two Suns, 120 degree's when you weren't in the Desert, and Tatooine was nothing but desert. A change of clothes was nice.

"This is are new armour?" One Trooper, Jack asked.

"Yes." the Commander replied.

"The more advanced, upgraded armour?" Jack asked further.

"Yeah."

"The better armour, which despite looking like plastic, helmets that don't come off, smaller chunkier guns that fire less, more bulky lasers, and makes are Australian accents disappear, this is more effective than our previous armour?" Jack asked, really analysing.

"Yeah. Now put it on, we're going to war!"

**_Hope you enjoyed, if this is popular I'll probably write more, so Review please..._**


	2. Chapter 2: An update at last!

_Edit: I forgot to spell check last night as it was a school night so I've just done it now, thank you to that agressive reviewer who reminded me, whatever, here they are. Now I can go back to considering ignoring it for a few more months. :-)_

**_Skit 1: A futuristic Logic_**

**_As Darth Vader intercepts the Tantative IV an escape pod jettisons, only to fall in aim of a Storm-trooper laser Outpost..._**

"Wait, there are no life signs on that escape pod. Don't fire." The trooper, Dave, orders, using perfectly sensible logic for the future.

The command is obeyed.

**_Some time later, the Rebels plan to attack the team of Heroes..._**

"There is no way the enemy can escape. I didn't see any bicycles near the house." Dave assures his team.

The command is obeyed.

**_Some time later, at the battle of Endor..._**

"This window is perfect for viewing the battle over Endor." Dave announces to the crew.

"Is it safe?" the other Trooper, Mickey asks.

"Of course. I've checked. The Rebels don't have any catapults."

**_After the battle of Endor..._**

"The entire Empire has to surrender now, it turns out they have spears and we don't." Dave sighs.

**Skit 2: Yoda, worlds best general...**

**At the battle of Genosis..**

"Around the survivors, a perimiter form." Master Yoda orders.

"Is that it?" The newly born Storm-trooper, Owen asks.

"Around the survivors, a perimiter form." Yoda repeats.

"Seriously! That's your big plan, help the survivors! Cause all this time I was considering bombing them!"

**_Some time later..._**

"Are fire, focus."

"No s--t Sherlock! I can figure that out for myself!" Owen yells.

**_Some time later..._**

"Kill the Jedi. They're planning an uprising."

"Are there any specifics to this? Or just a vague order. Actually that sounds kind of like the Jedi. I'm on the job!"

**Skit 3: Jedi Uniform**

**_During the Clone Wars, another long and pointless battle begins on the animated battle field..._**

"Hay, a penny, I'll pick it up." Ahsoka Tano announces.

In unison, the Troopers turn there heads and their leader bends over.

"We should really tell her that her clothes are quite revealing." Benny mutters, his head turned.

"You wanna tell her! Be my guest!" Bill hisses back.

"Uh, well, she might take it, well. I'm just saying, it might be impractical when..." Benny tries to explain.

Suddenly bombs rain from above. The troops retreat. The burning shock waves echo from the devastating attack and collide into the Troopers, hitting there armour hard, shaking their very existence.

"Damn it. That nearly pierced the armour. Hows Ashoka?" Bill gasps.

"I don't know?" Benny coughs back.

"Than look!" Bill suggests.

"I'd rather not, she wasn't wearing much and that was kind of a big, destructive attack, and fabric isn't that tough." Benny mutters back.

There's one of those long awkward pauses, you know the ones.

"Well, uh, Ahsoka, if you're not dead and decent, groan once. If you're not dead but we shouldn't look, groan twice please." Bill says sheepishly.

Two groans proceed.

"Damn it!"


	3. Chapter 3: Wait, I still write here?

**In the valley of the blind, the one eyed is an O.K marksman...**

_**Moon of Endor...**_

On the Moon of Endor the troopers prepare for their next battle, an epic struggle that can either crush the Rebels, or spell the Emperors doom. Reinforcements are therefore being brought in to face the threat.

The Commander introduces him:

"O.K guys. This is our latest recruit, Ryan, he's apparently a very good shot."

_2 hours later..._

The battle for Endor rages. The rebels rush forward, victory now a possibility. The Empire and its Stormtroopers find themselves having to fend off these determined souls. At the heart of this battle, the Stormtrooper Michael turns to observe the new recruit.

"How many shots have you fired Ryan?" Michael asks Ryan.

"200." Ryan replies.

"How many hits?" Michael further enquires.

"2, I shot one battle droid and skimmed a women's arm." Ryan answers.

"You really are a good shot. Now go apprehend the one you wounded." Michael remarks.

Ryan walked away, full of joy that he was now about to capture his first Rebel. Today was going to be a good day. Michaels friend notices Benny and the events currently happening.

"Dude, I think that Rebel he's arresting is still armed." Benny mentions.

"I know, that'll teach Ryan for showing us up with his remarkable aim!" Michael bitterly snaps.

Shots are heard from a rogue smuggler who plays by his own rules. Ryan has learnt his lesson.

**We've all seen Revenge of the Sith**

_**The Midst of the Clone Wars...**_

"Commander Cody, you lead the way for this one." Anakin Skywalker decides, as he prepares for yet another dangerous mission.

"Sir, with all due respect, why me?" Commander Cody asks, tired and War weary.

Skywalker thinks for a second, before finding the appropriate answer:

"I don't know, for some reason, no matter how stupidly bad the odds are, you never seem to die."

"Well, seems reasonable enough reason." Cody replies.

**Today is the Day the Teddy Bears rose up and started killing...**

_**The Moon of Endor again...**_

The battle for Endor continues, with the natives Ewoks rushing into the bloody war, their desire for bloody carnage only matched by their cuteness and adorableness. They open fire on Stormtroopers Benny and Michael, arrows flying through the sky, before bouncing off with zero affect. It's actually kind of laughable.

"Dude, that arrow just bounced off my armour! These guys biggest weapons, have absolutely no affect!" Benny observes.

"Yeah, this is going to be just one massive Ewok holocaust. I don't think I can do that, they're just too cute." Michael says with a heavy heart.

"You know what, lets just lie down and play dead. Give them a confidence boost. What's the worst that could happen?" Benny decides.

So they did, after all, what's the worst that could happen?

**Nobody knew what the word "post-modern" meant in the production of this story...**

_**The 2nd Death Star...**_

As a battle on Endor rages, another, more mental battle rages upon the Death Star, as a Stormtroopers, Andy, looks into his heart in the search of answers.

"You know, I've been doing this job for decades now. That's decades of independent thought and action, establishing independent personality, memories and being. I don't think I am a Clone anymore. I think I'm my own person. I think I'm a man."

"Dude, your right, we don't have to take this crap. Lets go, and form our own light contemporary Jazz band." His friend, Chris realises.

"Using the post modernist philosophy on musical performance?" Andy asks.

"Is there any other kind?" Chris laughs, seeing a bright future ahead.

At this point Lando Calrissian fired into the core of the Death Star, creating an explosion that would destroy the space station and kill Chris and Andy instantly. They never formed their light contemporary Jazz band influenced by the post modern philosophy of music.

_****__****__****__**R.I.P**_ Chris and Andy...


	4. Chapter 4: The One written at midnight

**They Were the Droids he was looking for... Part 1...**

**__****_Tatooine_**...

On the planet of Tatooine. Stormtrooper Tommy has just finished another check on yet another hover car. Yet again, it was not the Droids he was looking for. His friend Jason approached him.

"Dude, I really think that was the droid we were looking for!" Jason remarked.

"What, are they dangerous?" Tommy asked, worried.

"Possibly?" Jason speculated.

"Oh man, I'm guilty dude, you think people will die from that. Oh God! What have I done? This could be really bad!" Tommy exclaimed.

Tommy began to cry slightly to himself.

**Don't choke...**

_**The First Death Star...**_

The Battle around the Death Star raged. The Rebels launched their desperate attack and the Empire defended with all their might. At the heart of it Luke Skywalker rushed forward on his pivotal mission. Behind him, Stormtrooper Leo followed. The pressure was on. Everything or nothing.

"O.K Leo, come on, we need this. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. Don't choke. And shoot!" Leo said to himself.

Leo shot. He missed. Skywalker shot away.

"Damn it I choked! Oh this is gonna haunt me." Leo muttered.

**Those were the Droids he was Looking For... Part 2...**

_****__**Tatooine**_, sometime later...

Back on Tatooine, Jason tells his friend Tommy some startling news concerning their friend Leo.

"It's been confirmed. Leo was killed in the Death Star assault Tommy." Jason explained to Tommy.

"God! Not Leo! He died! Because I didn't stop them! They were the droids I was looking for!" Tommy cried out.

Tommy cried some more.

**P.C. gone mad...**

**__****Some place! What it's not relevant to the plot!**

"So are division of Stormtrooper will come in..." Andros began.

"Wait, what did you call yourself?" T.J remarked.

"Stormtroopers. Why?" Andros asked.

"We're Clone Troopers dude?" T.J said.

"Hay man! That's racist! I was recruited last year on Tatooine! I was never part of the cloning process, but no! Just because I'm part of the Empire I must be a Clone! Dude, that's racist man!" Andros ranted.

"Alright. You can call yourself whatever you want dude, just go on your darn Endor assault!" T.J sighed.

"Thank you." Andros said.

**Those were the Droids he was Looking For... Part 3...**

_**Some other place that isn't that other place, whatever, I'm writing this thing at midnight! I'm tired!**_

The Empire had fallen. The Stormtroopers had been crushed. Everything was changing. Tommy faced the horrible truth. They really had been the droids he was looking for. It was his fault.

"Everything fallen apart! I've lost everything! Why! All cause I didn't know they were the droids I was looking for! This is my fault! I'm sorry! Leo, Jason, T.J, Andros! It's all my fault! Your dead because of me! I don't deserve to live!"

Tommy pointed the gun to his face and...

_**Fan Fiction . net: Dude! This is a dark ending! Give it a happy one! Now! Or we will totally turn this into a Slash fic! We are the Gods here dude!**_

... put it down cause that would be stupid if he shot himself cause everything was great. And it turned out he never said any of that cause all of his friends who weren't really dead were here and everyone was happy. So they sat down and watched Star War Episode 1.

_**Fan Fiction . net: We said a Happy Ending! Not a horrifying one!**_

**_And they all lived horribly ever after..._**


End file.
